My faith
I am that kid that has been raised in church. That doesn't mean I'v always loved church, or that my life has always been handed to me easily,or haven't faced trials. Christianity isn't a perfect life it's actually the complete opposite it's accepting the fact that God doesn't promise smooth sailing but he does promise a safe landing. It's accepting that we are not perfect but Jesus was perfect in our place. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says " God made Him, Jesus, who knew no sin to be sin, on our behalf so that we may know the righteousness of God." If that isn't the epitome of love I'm not sure what is.
I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old. My church pastor had came over because I had put an interest in devoting my life to the one who sacrificed his for me. He sat with me and said "Ciara, do you want to accept Jesus?" I remember saying I wasn't quit ready, but he pushed forward and told me that my parents were counting on me to make this decision. So I accepted, not really wanting to but I did. At the time my dad was as far from being a Christian as humanly possible. He was a very strong atheist and wanted nothing to do with a God that he was convinced didn't love his people. At 8 years old I would try and invite my daddy to church because I had a full understanding that my dad was going to a real Hell. I knew that what he was doing on the weekends wasn't good because he would come home really late and just puke his guts out. Imagine being an 8 year old child listening to your dad throw up all night thinking he was going to die due to your innocence and knowing he was going to hell. I knew that my dad needed something to rely on for joy and peace besides materials substance. I remember crying myself to sleep in prayer asking God to forgive my daddy because he's just confused. I remember trying to convince God that my daddy really was an amazing person and that if it was his will to just allow him to come to church. I remember BEGGING God, "PLEASE! Jesus he needs you! He's killing himself being of the world and he's tearing my mom apart."
It took 11 years for my dad to come to Christ. I was 12 and my mom and dad were both 29. Thankfully I had it a lot easier than my mom because I was so little I was masked to what was really going on. She had me at 18 and had little support from my dad. But that's a completely different long long story. Anyways thankfully by the mercy of our totally awesome God my dad came to Christ and is now a deacon of my church! Is that awesome or what!? But that's just the beginning of how God has worked in my life.
When I was 13 I realized, man I go to church on Sundays but Monday-Saturday roles along and I do nothing. I wasn't praying because in my mind my dad was saved and that was enough, and I surely wasn't doing any kinds of devotionals. We had recently moved for like the 5th time and I was beginning to feel lonely and unimportant. I had no real friends, and the friends I thought I had from where we had come from made no effort to reach out to me. I started to doubt myself worth and I really had no idea if I was going to heaven. We found a church that I actually loved! And within visiting a few times I had made a friend! At the time we were going to a Hispanic service that the church offered. In one of the services the pastor ended his sermon by saying "Do you know where your going when you die?" In my mind I was like, uhhh.... I knew for a fact that I didn't know, but Ignored my doubt. Just a few weeks later my new friend had invited me to a huge church lock-in. I was so excited to go and meet new people! It came to the point of the night that we were doing a devotional, and once again the woman leading the devotional said "Do you know where your going when you die?" At that point I was a little creeped out because just a couple weeks before I had heard this same question and it had stayed in my mind. But once again I disregarded my doubt not knowing that God was trying to tell me something. About a month or two had past, I was still so confused on where I stood with God, and a dear friend of our family had passed away. I was sitting in her service when at the end once again the same question that wouldn't even let me sleep was asked once again!! At that point I was like okay God I get it. We were headed home and I broke down crying, my mom pulled over on the side of the highway and prayed with me to re-commit my life to Jesus. It was like 500 pounds lifted off my shoulders because it was in that instance that I realized I am not alone. I began to understand that Christianity isn't a Sunday activity but an everyday identity we must pursue.
I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old. My church pastor had came over because I had put an interest in devoting my life to the one who sacrificed his for me. He sat with me and said "Ciara, do you want to accept Jesus?" I remember saying I wasn't quit ready, but he pushed forward and told me that my parents were counting on me to make this decision. So I accepted, not really wanting to but I did. At the time my dad was as far from being a Christian as humanly possible. He was a very strong atheist and wanted nothing to do with a God that he was convinced didn't love his people. At 8 years old I would try and invite my daddy to church because I had a full understanding that my dad was going to a real Hell. I knew that what he was doing on the weekends wasn't good because he would come home really late and just puke his guts out. Imagine being an 8 year old child listening to your dad throw up all night thinking he was going to die due to your innocence and knowing he was going to hell. I knew that my dad needed something to rely on for joy and peace besides materials substance. I remember crying myself to sleep in prayer asking God to forgive my daddy because he's just confused. I remember trying to convince God that my daddy really was an amazing person and that if it was his will to just allow him to come to church. I remember BEGGING God, "PLEASE! Jesus he needs you! He's killing himself being of the world and he's tearing my mom apart."
It took 11 years for my dad to come to Christ. I was 12 and my mom and dad were both 29. Thankfully I had it a lot easier than my mom because I was so little I was masked to what was really going on. She had me at 18 and had little support from my dad. But that's a completely different long long story. Anyways thankfully by the mercy of our totally awesome God my dad came to Christ and is now a deacon of my church! Is that awesome or what!? But that's just the beginning of how God has worked in my life.
When I was 13 I realized, man I go to church on Sundays but Monday-Saturday roles along and I do nothing. I wasn't praying because in my mind my dad was saved and that was enough, and I surely wasn't doing any kinds of devotionals. We had recently moved for like the 5th time and I was beginning to feel lonely and unimportant. I had no real friends, and the friends I thought I had from where we had come from made no effort to reach out to me. I started to doubt myself worth and I really had no idea if I was going to heaven. We found a church that I actually loved! And within visiting a few times I had made a friend! At the time we were going to a Hispanic service that the church offered. In one of the services the pastor ended his sermon by saying "Do you know where your going when you die?" In my mind I was like, uhhh.... I knew for a fact that I didn't know, but Ignored my doubt. Just a few weeks later my new friend had invited me to a huge church lock-in. I was so excited to go and meet new people! It came to the point of the night that we were doing a devotional, and once again the woman leading the devotional said "Do you know where your going when you die?" At that point I was a little creeped out because just a couple weeks before I had heard this same question and it had stayed in my mind. But once again I disregarded my doubt not knowing that God was trying to tell me something. About a month or two had past, I was still so confused on where I stood with God, and a dear friend of our family had passed away. I was sitting in her service when at the end once again the same question that wouldn't even let me sleep was asked once again!! At that point I was like okay God I get it. We were headed home and I broke down crying, my mom pulled over on the side of the highway and prayed with me to re-commit my life to Jesus. It was like 500 pounds lifted off my shoulders because it was in that instance that I realized I am not alone. I began to understand that Christianity isn't a Sunday activity but an everyday identity we must pursue.
January 24, 2015
I was headed back from the SAT jamming out to music I knew I shouldn't have been listening to. That day we were suppose to go say goodbye to my grandma before she went back to Nicaragua for a couple weeks. I was about 10 minutes away from home; my lane was ending and turning into an exit, so I began to try to merge. There was a huge Durango coming up quick that I knew wasn't going to let me in, so I continued to speed up to try and pass them. I kept looking back and forth thinking I had enough time but by the time I realized the Durango wasn't going to let me in, it was too late. Two cars were passing me to the right and the Durango was speeding past me. I went full speed off the road and straight into the pine trees on the side of the road. I knocked down to trees and deployed all airbags in my car.
The image of me going full speed into trees is something to the day I struggle with. I can still hear my self screaming in the car knowing I was about to crash. I don't remember the impact I just remember opening my eyes and searching everywhere for my phone. I called my mom screaming tell her I had gotten into a crash and I had no idea where I was. By the time I got off the phone there was already a man right outside the car asking me if I was okay. Within minutes fire rescue, the police, and an ambulance had arrived. The cop was in shock that I was alive and got myself out of the car. The ems people came up to me and asked ME! the driver! if the driver was still in the car. I was a disaster that day.
Seeing the look on my parents face when they found me in the ambulance was something I hope I never see again. It's like for that moment, just that split second they had no idea whether I was going to be alive or dead. I can't imagine what it was like opening the doors to the ambulance and having no idea what was going to be inside: a dead body or their 17 year old daughter. By the amazing grace of God I walked away from that wreck with nothing but a bad seat belt burn and a concussion.
This is going to sound crazy I know, but that wreck was the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's not until you almost loose your life that you realize how good God is. I am a sinner, I am a liar, I am a rotten judgemental person, but yet Jesus loves me and saved my life spiritually and physically. I am overwhelmed by God's grace and his love. If you don't believe in God I can tell you that he is real. I am alive because of his grace, I am alive because he loves. Because of that crash I have a story to tell. Because of that crash I have a full understanding of God's love. Because of that crash I have confidence in Christ and I want everyone to have that internal feeling of peace.
The image of me going full speed into trees is something to the day I struggle with. I can still hear my self screaming in the car knowing I was about to crash. I don't remember the impact I just remember opening my eyes and searching everywhere for my phone. I called my mom screaming tell her I had gotten into a crash and I had no idea where I was. By the time I got off the phone there was already a man right outside the car asking me if I was okay. Within minutes fire rescue, the police, and an ambulance had arrived. The cop was in shock that I was alive and got myself out of the car. The ems people came up to me and asked ME! the driver! if the driver was still in the car. I was a disaster that day.
Seeing the look on my parents face when they found me in the ambulance was something I hope I never see again. It's like for that moment, just that split second they had no idea whether I was going to be alive or dead. I can't imagine what it was like opening the doors to the ambulance and having no idea what was going to be inside: a dead body or their 17 year old daughter. By the amazing grace of God I walked away from that wreck with nothing but a bad seat belt burn and a concussion.
This is going to sound crazy I know, but that wreck was the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's not until you almost loose your life that you realize how good God is. I am a sinner, I am a liar, I am a rotten judgemental person, but yet Jesus loves me and saved my life spiritually and physically. I am overwhelmed by God's grace and his love. If you don't believe in God I can tell you that he is real. I am alive because of his grace, I am alive because he loves. Because of that crash I have a story to tell. Because of that crash I have a full understanding of God's love. Because of that crash I have confidence in Christ and I want everyone to have that internal feeling of peace.